it would be less than sufficient to say that i hate my job. it is, bar none, the worst job i have ever had. worse than the job where i had to handle old people's calloused, corn-ridden, fungus-infected, smelly feet. worse than the job where i ran myself ragged for measly tips and severely burned my hand on hot oil. worse, even, than the job where i worked for my MOM. (just kidding on that last one.) this job is the most soul-sucking, disparaging, heart-wrenching job on the face of this earth. i feel so uncreative, so desolate, so unlike myself when i am here. it is turning me into a bitter and lifeless shell of my former self. the point would be moot to say that i don't like what i do for 8 hours a day.
so. here's the way to dig out. i look for jobs every day, and i have made the decision to start a winter project of cake baking and deorating. i keep talking about it, but putting it on here will make me actually do it. i'll be baking and decorating as much as possible in order to create a portfolio and decide if i really do want to do it as a career. so i'm going to be getting tools and supplies within the next few weeks, and working on cakes. i'll post pictures up here whenever i do a new one. but i promise that this won't turn into a cake blog (though it might be more interesting if it did.)
i have to find a way to get out of this job as soon as i can. otherwise, i'm gonna go milton and burn it to the ground. there's only so much that we suppressed office drones can take.
allow me to end this stupid and asinine post by giving you a gift: one of the greatest interviews i have ever read in my whole life.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
i need a vacation
my job entails me saying the same thing every day, over and over again. such is the life of an insurance claim handler. whenever i get a call, i say the same thing - "thank you for calling____, this is ____, can i have your claim or policy number, please?" it's mind-numbing work, and i got full proof of that last night.
my boyfriend has a tendency to work late on projects, and crawl into bed whenever he can't keep his eyes open any more. last night, he got into bed around 3 am. i had already been asleep for a few hours and was dead to the world. this morning, he enlightened me to the fact that we had a conversation when he came to bed:
me: hey baby.
him: hey.
me: babe, i'm gonna need you to file a claim with me.
him: ...what?
me: i'm gonna need you to give me your claim or account number.
him: what are you talking about?
me: ....oh god, i'm working. (proceed to go back to sleep)
if this isn't evidence that i need to find a different job or take a vacation, i don't know what is.
my boyfriend has a tendency to work late on projects, and crawl into bed whenever he can't keep his eyes open any more. last night, he got into bed around 3 am. i had already been asleep for a few hours and was dead to the world. this morning, he enlightened me to the fact that we had a conversation when he came to bed:
me: hey baby.
him: hey.
me: babe, i'm gonna need you to file a claim with me.
him: ...what?
me: i'm gonna need you to give me your claim or account number.
him: what are you talking about?
me: ....oh god, i'm working. (proceed to go back to sleep)
if this isn't evidence that i need to find a different job or take a vacation, i don't know what is.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
hell is an office
anyone who works in an office like mine will surely agree. hell is not fire and brimstone, it is not a hot and dark underworld, it is not deep underneath the earth (or wherever). hell is, however, full of minions and the tormented shells of souls of persons passed. it is air conditioned, you have a small cubicle, your every minute is regulated, and your phone beeps every minute with a new phone call and some person who hates you on the other line. this place may be hell. i'm not quite sure. maybe it's just purgatory. maybe in hell you have to do this and they don't actually pay you. at least in prugatory you can blog and they give you a paycheck. but i'm not sure which it is right now...it certainly feels like hell, i'll tell you that much.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
opinions are like...
you know the saying, "opinions are like assholes, everybody has one"? it's true, everyone does have one. but if you think about it, you really don't have to think about it at all. what i mean by this is that your thoughts, a.k.a. opinions, aren't consciously formed. even as you read this, you've already got an opinion on it. like something, don't like something, whatever - it's predetermined in your subconscious before you come to the realization of it. and once you think of it, it's hard to change. even then, you still secretly harbor doubts about the change. you still cling to that original opinion, but you can't help it, that's just how the brain works. those chemicals up there like to do what they do and can't easily be swayed.
i'm not sure why i thought of this. i think it came about when i started this new job and things started popping into my head when i would talk to certain people. once the thought formed, i would have to reason with it and make it into something different than its original. for example, i would talk to someone who kept asking me to repeat something and i would automatically assume that they were hard of hearing. but maybe not! maybe they're still upset and distracted maybe their phone sucks. but that opinion/thought that they were hard of hearing still remained. it was difficult to let go of. there's more extreme cases of this subconscious opinion versus conscious argument, but i won't go into detail. let me just say that sometimes, i want to wrap my phone cord around someone's neck (usually my own) in frustration.
and you can agree with me or not on this issue- that's just your opinion.
i'm not sure why i thought of this. i think it came about when i started this new job and things started popping into my head when i would talk to certain people. once the thought formed, i would have to reason with it and make it into something different than its original. for example, i would talk to someone who kept asking me to repeat something and i would automatically assume that they were hard of hearing. but maybe not! maybe they're still upset and distracted maybe their phone sucks. but that opinion/thought that they were hard of hearing still remained. it was difficult to let go of. there's more extreme cases of this subconscious opinion versus conscious argument, but i won't go into detail. let me just say that sometimes, i want to wrap my phone cord around someone's neck (usually my own) in frustration.
and you can agree with me or not on this issue- that's just your opinion.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
no air, no aaiiirr
good gravy! it's been a tic. in the last three months, i've been working at a shoe store, investigating my life, traveling up home and back a lot, and just generally livin'. i really dislike selling shoes (but not some of the people i work with who are awesome and a ton of fun) so i've been looking for another job. i found something that might pan out which pays more and has better hours, but we'll see about that tomorrow. it's not really what i want to do, but i'm looking into going back to school within the next year and getting a pastry arts degree. so i can make money and go to school in the meantime, and start my "dream career" (or whatever) in a few years. we'll see.
yesterday was my birthday, and it was a good one. i got a bike, and a new stand mixer, a scarf, and some lovely cards. my friends and i went putt-putt, bowling, and then to hookah. three of my favorite activities, all in one night. it was definitely better than last year. it'll be interesting to see how 23 pans out.
speaking of panning out, my a/c is on the fritz again. boo. i'm not so much a fan of being cold, though, so i don't mind it much. my housemate hates it, though, and is trying her hardest to fix it. it's funny because she's planning on moving to florida sometime this year. where it's hot.
another funny thing. about two weeks ago, a customer came into the store looking for sandals. he wanted a versatile and nice pair for under $100, and i showed him a pair in black and brown for $44.95 each. i told him for that price and even after tax, he could get both. he then asked if i was sure, and i did the math in my head to verify (i was correct). then he said, "oh, i didn't know if that was light brown or blonde on your head!" thanks for the insult, jerk. he goes on to talk about his outdoor adventurist lifestyle and the more he talks, the more his douche comes out. he's the guy in the bar that will. not. leave. you. alone. he finally decided on the brown pair and while i was ringing up the sale, he asked for my number. i told him that i would definitely not be giving him my number, and my fellow co-worker said, "Just call the store and ask for her!" this woman knows that i have a boyfriend, so i have no idea why she would encourage this idea. i don't like to play the boyfriend card because i think i'm strong enough to refuse to give someone my number without using that as an excuse, so i didn't say anything about it. so the dude called me today and told me all about how he went camping last weekend and he was sorry he didn't call me earlier and blah blah blah, "How about you and I get together sometime this week?" needless to say, at that point i whipped out the card. he took it pretty well, though, even going so far as to assume that customers ask me out frequently. not so much. hopefully i'm out of there before he comes in again. that would be super awkward. and i might be inclined to counsel him on his dating tactics.
yesterday was my birthday, and it was a good one. i got a bike, and a new stand mixer, a scarf, and some lovely cards. my friends and i went putt-putt, bowling, and then to hookah. three of my favorite activities, all in one night. it was definitely better than last year. it'll be interesting to see how 23 pans out.
speaking of panning out, my a/c is on the fritz again. boo. i'm not so much a fan of being cold, though, so i don't mind it much. my housemate hates it, though, and is trying her hardest to fix it. it's funny because she's planning on moving to florida sometime this year. where it's hot.
another funny thing. about two weeks ago, a customer came into the store looking for sandals. he wanted a versatile and nice pair for under $100, and i showed him a pair in black and brown for $44.95 each. i told him for that price and even after tax, he could get both. he then asked if i was sure, and i did the math in my head to verify (i was correct). then he said, "oh, i didn't know if that was light brown or blonde on your head!" thanks for the insult, jerk. he goes on to talk about his outdoor adventurist lifestyle and the more he talks, the more his douche comes out. he's the guy in the bar that will. not. leave. you. alone. he finally decided on the brown pair and while i was ringing up the sale, he asked for my number. i told him that i would definitely not be giving him my number, and my fellow co-worker said, "Just call the store and ask for her!" this woman knows that i have a boyfriend, so i have no idea why she would encourage this idea. i don't like to play the boyfriend card because i think i'm strong enough to refuse to give someone my number without using that as an excuse, so i didn't say anything about it. so the dude called me today and told me all about how he went camping last weekend and he was sorry he didn't call me earlier and blah blah blah, "How about you and I get together sometime this week?" needless to say, at that point i whipped out the card. he took it pretty well, though, even going so far as to assume that customers ask me out frequently. not so much. hopefully i'm out of there before he comes in again. that would be super awkward. and i might be inclined to counsel him on his dating tactics.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
coupla things
this post skips around a lot. prepare yourself for the random adhd-athon.
1. i am currently holed up with a totally sa-weet sore throat. it's pretty awesome. i sound like godzilla from those old japanese movies. you know the ones where they build a replica of tokyo and then take a toy dinosaur and tear it all down? yeah. that godzilla. i went to an orientation session to be a big sister today, and i revealed in the icebreaker that i play ukulele. the orientation leader asked if i sing as well. i didn't know if she was kidding or not (because i seriously sounded like i had just drug my vocal chords through a limestone quarry) so i simply replied, "not today." i'm also having a lot of trouble sleeping. hence the blogging at 1 am. hopefully this thing clears up soon. it's a good excuse to drink delicious earl grey black tea, though. i try to take my illnesses sunny side up.
2. i'm going to a ben folds concert soon. it'll be my second. the first was so much fun. ben has a tremendous stage presence and makes everyone feel like he's singing just for them (this could be why he's almost constantly on tour). so i'm pretty excited. i just got his latest album and i'm pleasantly surprised by how much i like it. my favorite tracks are "dr yang", "bitch went nuts" and "effington"... "are they effing in their yards, effing in their cars?" hilarious. ben has some stellar lyrics.
3. my housemate is currently in one of her moods where she pretty much ignores me. it's fun...i feel like i live with a ghost. half the time i'm wondering where she is, and the other half of the time she's treating me like i'm an intruder in her house. i hear her voice and laughter wafting from her bedroom as she talks on the phone every night. if i do see her, it's barely a glimpse before she's gone, locked in her room again or leaving the house to go who knows where.
i wish she would tell me if something is wrong or if she's upset with me. i don't expect her to be all happy and sparkly - that's definitely not who she is. all i would like is a normal relationship....one where she doesn't shut me out and tells me how her day was, or wants to know how i'm doing. i always feel like i'm on eggshells and my toes are getting tired. but i don't know if i should confront her or leave her to decide when she wants to talk to me. i feel like i'd be making a mistake either way i go about it.
4. this is something i came across while browsing victoria's secret's latest catalog. w...t...f.
there is nothing sexy or alluring about these pants. nothing whatsoever, unless you went back in time to the 1890's, when it was considered scandalous to show your ankles. oh you bad kitten! seriously, victoria's secret? did you actually expect to sell these? i have noticed that the 80's are making a comeback, but that was honestly one of the worst decades in fashion. acid wash jeans, shoulder pads, and these pantaloons must be left in the past. dredging up old mistakes is not fashionable, people! revolt against the so-called powers that be! don't wear these because someone tells you that they're in style! only buy these if you can't live without them! and even then may the style gods be merciful as these pants don't even look flattering on a professional, stick thin, gorgeous model! listen to edna mode. "i never look back, darling, it detracts from the NOW." that is all i have to say about that.
1. i am currently holed up with a totally sa-weet sore throat. it's pretty awesome. i sound like godzilla from those old japanese movies. you know the ones where they build a replica of tokyo and then take a toy dinosaur and tear it all down? yeah. that godzilla. i went to an orientation session to be a big sister today, and i revealed in the icebreaker that i play ukulele. the orientation leader asked if i sing as well. i didn't know if she was kidding or not (because i seriously sounded like i had just drug my vocal chords through a limestone quarry) so i simply replied, "not today." i'm also having a lot of trouble sleeping. hence the blogging at 1 am. hopefully this thing clears up soon. it's a good excuse to drink delicious earl grey black tea, though. i try to take my illnesses sunny side up.
2. i'm going to a ben folds concert soon. it'll be my second. the first was so much fun. ben has a tremendous stage presence and makes everyone feel like he's singing just for them (this could be why he's almost constantly on tour). so i'm pretty excited. i just got his latest album and i'm pleasantly surprised by how much i like it. my favorite tracks are "dr yang", "bitch went nuts" and "effington"... "are they effing in their yards, effing in their cars?" hilarious. ben has some stellar lyrics.
3. my housemate is currently in one of her moods where she pretty much ignores me. it's fun...i feel like i live with a ghost. half the time i'm wondering where she is, and the other half of the time she's treating me like i'm an intruder in her house. i hear her voice and laughter wafting from her bedroom as she talks on the phone every night. if i do see her, it's barely a glimpse before she's gone, locked in her room again or leaving the house to go who knows where.
i wish she would tell me if something is wrong or if she's upset with me. i don't expect her to be all happy and sparkly - that's definitely not who she is. all i would like is a normal relationship....one where she doesn't shut me out and tells me how her day was, or wants to know how i'm doing. i always feel like i'm on eggshells and my toes are getting tired. but i don't know if i should confront her or leave her to decide when she wants to talk to me. i feel like i'd be making a mistake either way i go about it.
4. this is something i came across while browsing victoria's secret's latest catalog. w...t...f.
there is nothing sexy or alluring about these pants. nothing whatsoever, unless you went back in time to the 1890's, when it was considered scandalous to show your ankles. oh you bad kitten! seriously, victoria's secret? did you actually expect to sell these? i have noticed that the 80's are making a comeback, but that was honestly one of the worst decades in fashion. acid wash jeans, shoulder pads, and these pantaloons must be left in the past. dredging up old mistakes is not fashionable, people! revolt against the so-called powers that be! don't wear these because someone tells you that they're in style! only buy these if you can't live without them! and even then may the style gods be merciful as these pants don't even look flattering on a professional, stick thin, gorgeous model! listen to edna mode. "i never look back, darling, it detracts from the NOW." that is all i have to say about that.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
so anyway
i'm going to be away for a few days, so i figured i would throw in a new post while i could. not too terribly much has been happening lately. still no job or prospects. still applying and searching daily. still just a teeny bit depressed. in good news, i get my beautiful permanent tooth on friday, so yay on that!
i was watching a show today about emotional infidelity. to sum it up, this entails having affairs and cheating on your spouse without actually having sex. so this can cover lots of things from flirting, to exchanging explicit messages, to emotionally involving yourself with someone to a degree that pushes past friendships. i discussed this with my brother and his reply was, "it's always about the sex!" unfortunately, he's correct. i have friends of the opposite sex (as well as those of the same sex) but my boyfriend is always a little worried/suspicious when i hang out with them. i would never ever cheat on my boyfriend or intentionally do anything to upset him/hurt his feelings, but i would like to maintain friendships with people outside our group, regardless of whether or not they're the same sex as i am.
but this show hit really hard. i started wondering - was my hang outs with my friends of the opposite sex causing undue strain on my relationship with my boyfriend? i do not flirt with my guy friends at all and my relationship with them is much like the one that two guys would have. i also make it very clear that i am not interested in anything other than friendship, and i do my best not to be alone for an extended period of time with any guy that isn't my boyfriend. i had a discussion with my boyfriend on this subject and he assured me of his trust in me. and to be honest, if my boyfriend had close friends that were girls that he hung out with, without me around, i'd be wary too.
i guess what i'm getting at is that i think the whole situation sucks. if everyone was faithful to their partners, this would never ever be a problem. guys could be friends with girls with no negative reprocussions. and it really sucks for girls like me, who are more comfortable around guys and find it easier to be friends with them. i've had girls burn me big time in the past, so i prefer not to have a big group of them as friends. one on one is best with girls...too many and things start getting catty. big girl groups always have some serious issues, with things usually dissolving into infighting and backstabbery. i wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
i think that there's a couple of really big things that could help with the subject of emotional infidelity.
1. maturity. when you get into a relationship, you have to recognize that you are no longer allowed to act the way you once did. no more kissing strange men in bars or dancing on tables. you've got to be mature and behave like an adult. you are no longer acting and thinking just for yourself anymore. now you're dealing with another person's opinions, feelings, and emotions. if you're not ready to give up strange dick, don't get into a relationship. and don't use the relationship as a crutch. you absolutely must learn how to stand on your own and guide your own life before intertwining it with another's.
2. communication. lots of relationships go down the tubes because people refuse to be open and honest about their actions, feelings, opinions, and emotions. you cannot expect your relationship to last if you don't understand how the other person feels and vice versa. i personally still have issues with this topic in the relationship with my sister. i know that it's hard to overcome the stubbornness, the confusion, and the unwillingness to back down , or at the opposite, the trepidation to hurt the other person's feelings. but it will actually strengthen your relationship in the long run (and at worst, end it before it becomes toxic). i know i should really be taking my own advice right now, but it's something that i struggle with almost every day... as i keep working on it, things will get better. time and hard work is the formula for success.
enough soapboxing for today. i watch dr. phil ONE TIME and he's got me ranting....definitely not letting that happen again. i'll stick with ellen from now on. more dancing and less counseling is the way to go. fo sho. yo.
i was watching a show today about emotional infidelity. to sum it up, this entails having affairs and cheating on your spouse without actually having sex. so this can cover lots of things from flirting, to exchanging explicit messages, to emotionally involving yourself with someone to a degree that pushes past friendships. i discussed this with my brother and his reply was, "it's always about the sex!" unfortunately, he's correct. i have friends of the opposite sex (as well as those of the same sex) but my boyfriend is always a little worried/suspicious when i hang out with them. i would never ever cheat on my boyfriend or intentionally do anything to upset him/hurt his feelings, but i would like to maintain friendships with people outside our group, regardless of whether or not they're the same sex as i am.
but this show hit really hard. i started wondering - was my hang outs with my friends of the opposite sex causing undue strain on my relationship with my boyfriend? i do not flirt with my guy friends at all and my relationship with them is much like the one that two guys would have. i also make it very clear that i am not interested in anything other than friendship, and i do my best not to be alone for an extended period of time with any guy that isn't my boyfriend. i had a discussion with my boyfriend on this subject and he assured me of his trust in me. and to be honest, if my boyfriend had close friends that were girls that he hung out with, without me around, i'd be wary too.
i guess what i'm getting at is that i think the whole situation sucks. if everyone was faithful to their partners, this would never ever be a problem. guys could be friends with girls with no negative reprocussions. and it really sucks for girls like me, who are more comfortable around guys and find it easier to be friends with them. i've had girls burn me big time in the past, so i prefer not to have a big group of them as friends. one on one is best with girls...too many and things start getting catty. big girl groups always have some serious issues, with things usually dissolving into infighting and backstabbery. i wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
i think that there's a couple of really big things that could help with the subject of emotional infidelity.
1. maturity. when you get into a relationship, you have to recognize that you are no longer allowed to act the way you once did. no more kissing strange men in bars or dancing on tables. you've got to be mature and behave like an adult. you are no longer acting and thinking just for yourself anymore. now you're dealing with another person's opinions, feelings, and emotions. if you're not ready to give up strange dick, don't get into a relationship. and don't use the relationship as a crutch. you absolutely must learn how to stand on your own and guide your own life before intertwining it with another's.
2. communication. lots of relationships go down the tubes because people refuse to be open and honest about their actions, feelings, opinions, and emotions. you cannot expect your relationship to last if you don't understand how the other person feels and vice versa. i personally still have issues with this topic in the relationship with my sister. i know that it's hard to overcome the stubbornness, the confusion, and the unwillingness to back down , or at the opposite, the trepidation to hurt the other person's feelings. but it will actually strengthen your relationship in the long run (and at worst, end it before it becomes toxic). i know i should really be taking my own advice right now, but it's something that i struggle with almost every day... as i keep working on it, things will get better. time and hard work is the formula for success.
enough soapboxing for today. i watch dr. phil ONE TIME and he's got me ranting....definitely not letting that happen again. i'll stick with ellen from now on. more dancing and less counseling is the way to go. fo sho. yo.
Monday, February 16, 2009
chicago, or, killing time while waiting for the government to pay me
my brother did this and i'm killing some time while on hold, so here we go!
put your iTunes on shuffle and fill in the blanks.
1. If someone says “is this ok?” you say…
Jacqueline - Franz Ferdinand
"it's always better on holiday, that's why we only work when we need the money"
2. How would you describe yourself?
What You Got - Justin Timberlake
"oh no! is that your hands feelin' on me?"
because, ya know, i'm a little handsy. or something like that.
3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Hell - Foo Fighters
"come break this skin, i'll let you sink right in and show you everything"
it's all about the mutual trust and respect! oh yeah!
4. How do you feel today?
Yellow Cat (Slash) Red Cat - Say Anything
"these are my days, this is how they stay hey hey"
yep - my days repeat. it's a good life :)
5. What’s your life’s purpose?
Low - Foo Fighters
"hey you, don't go nowhere, i'm right beside you"
...just kidding
6. What is your motto?
Atoms for Peace - Thom Yorke
"no more talk about the old days, it's time for something great"
i like that motto a lot! very apt for my current situation.
7.What do your friends think of you?
The Last Song - Foo Fighters (ok enough foo, itunes)
"we pretend it doesn't matter, we pretend it all away"
hahaha i hope not!
8.What do you think of your future mate?
Hallelujah - Paramore
"this time, we're not giving up. let's make it last forever..."
finally, a fitting song!
9. What do you think about very often?
Sensitized - Kylie Minogue
"they got me messed up, but i like it that way"
sure.
10.What is 2+2?
Love Lockdown - Kanye West
"so i keep it low, keep a secret code, so everybody else don't have to know"
but everyone knows that the real answer is 5. i learned that in like, 6th grade. seriously.
11. What do you think of your best friend?
Black Thumbnail - Kings of Leon
"i'll be that person til my dying day, i try so awful hard but i can't change"
and that's just how i like it.
12. What do you think of the person you like?
All I Have - The Rocket Summer
"and all i have is all of me, and it's all that i can give"
13. What is your life story?
Malaguena Salerosa- Chingon
this is the song that plays when the credits roll at the end of Kill Bill Volume 2 - it's about a beautiful woman that the singer professes his love for her, despite their differences in wealth.
i can dig that
14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Baby Doll - N.E.R.D.
"girl, you don't know what you mean to me, you are my everything"
er, maybe not.
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) - Arcade Fire
"i went out into the night, i went out to find some light"
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Satellite - Guster
"maybe you will always be just a little out of reach"
this is actually quite a cute love song!
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Everything In Its Right Place - Radiohead
"yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon"
hm.
18. What is your hobby/interest?
Gave Up - Nine Inch Nails
"covered in hope and vaseline, still cannot fix this broken machine"
yesssss.
19. What is your biggest fear?
The Drama Summer - The Starting Line
"guess i'll call or see you around...yeah"
this song's about losing a love - and this is, for sure, my biggest fear.
20. What is your biggest secret?
Elephant. - Damien Rice
"well i could throw it out, and i could live without, and i could do it all for you, i could be strong"
this hits home closer than i'd like to admit
21. What do you think of your friends?
So Says I - The Shins
"we've got rules and maps and guns in our backs but we still can't just behave ourselves"
ha! well, we do like to have fun!
22. What will you post this as?
Chicago (Acoustic) - Sufjan Stevens
"i made a lot of mistakes in my mind, in my mind"
put your iTunes on shuffle and fill in the blanks.
1. If someone says “is this ok?” you say…
Jacqueline - Franz Ferdinand
"it's always better on holiday, that's why we only work when we need the money"
2. How would you describe yourself?
What You Got - Justin Timberlake
"oh no! is that your hands feelin' on me?"
because, ya know, i'm a little handsy. or something like that.
3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Hell - Foo Fighters
"come break this skin, i'll let you sink right in and show you everything"
it's all about the mutual trust and respect! oh yeah!
4. How do you feel today?
Yellow Cat (Slash) Red Cat - Say Anything
"these are my days, this is how they stay hey hey"
yep - my days repeat. it's a good life :)
5. What’s your life’s purpose?
Low - Foo Fighters
"hey you, don't go nowhere, i'm right beside you"
...just kidding
6. What is your motto?
Atoms for Peace - Thom Yorke
"no more talk about the old days, it's time for something great"
i like that motto a lot! very apt for my current situation.
7.What do your friends think of you?
The Last Song - Foo Fighters (ok enough foo, itunes)
"we pretend it doesn't matter, we pretend it all away"
hahaha i hope not!
8.What do you think of your future mate?
Hallelujah - Paramore
"this time, we're not giving up. let's make it last forever..."
finally, a fitting song!
9. What do you think about very often?
Sensitized - Kylie Minogue
"they got me messed up, but i like it that way"
sure.
10.What is 2+2?
Love Lockdown - Kanye West
"so i keep it low, keep a secret code, so everybody else don't have to know"
but everyone knows that the real answer is 5. i learned that in like, 6th grade. seriously.
11. What do you think of your best friend?
Black Thumbnail - Kings of Leon
"i'll be that person til my dying day, i try so awful hard but i can't change"
and that's just how i like it.
12. What do you think of the person you like?
All I Have - The Rocket Summer
"and all i have is all of me, and it's all that i can give"
13. What is your life story?
Malaguena Salerosa- Chingon
this is the song that plays when the credits roll at the end of Kill Bill Volume 2 - it's about a beautiful woman that the singer professes his love for her, despite their differences in wealth.
i can dig that
14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Baby Doll - N.E.R.D.
"girl, you don't know what you mean to me, you are my everything"
er, maybe not.
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) - Arcade Fire
"i went out into the night, i went out to find some light"
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Satellite - Guster
"maybe you will always be just a little out of reach"
this is actually quite a cute love song!
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Everything In Its Right Place - Radiohead
"yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon"
hm.
18. What is your hobby/interest?
Gave Up - Nine Inch Nails
"covered in hope and vaseline, still cannot fix this broken machine"
yesssss.
19. What is your biggest fear?
The Drama Summer - The Starting Line
"guess i'll call or see you around...yeah"
this song's about losing a love - and this is, for sure, my biggest fear.
20. What is your biggest secret?
Elephant. - Damien Rice
"well i could throw it out, and i could live without, and i could do it all for you, i could be strong"
this hits home closer than i'd like to admit
21. What do you think of your friends?
So Says I - The Shins
"we've got rules and maps and guns in our backs but we still can't just behave ourselves"
ha! well, we do like to have fun!
22. What will you post this as?
Chicago (Acoustic) - Sufjan Stevens
"i made a lot of mistakes in my mind, in my mind"
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
functionality disabled
at the risk of sounding like a whiny-ass emo kid, i think that i'm a little depressed. everything feels like a chore and i've been ready for bed since 7 pm. hopefully it's just the way i'm feeling today, though, with my luck it probably isn't.
i'll figure it out eventually.
i'll figure it out eventually.
Monday, February 2, 2009
you must chill! i have hidden your firebird keys!
today has been pretty productive. i got a bunch done that i wanted to, which is always a good thing. i still have more to do tomorrow and wednesday, so it's a good thing that i'm not working right now :)
the last few days have been a little off - my sister and i went home to see cousins but then never actually got to see them. it was nice to see mom and dad again, though! they might be getting sick of me because i've seen them so much lately. last night was rough - i had two bad dreams, one of which made me scream and wake myself up, and the other of which made me cry when i woke up.
in the first dream took place in my old house. my boyfriend and i were participating in a new product study that involved the use of cameras that detect faces in the dark without the use of night vision. the study involved someone coming into your house at night, and the camera secretly catching their faces. so my boyfriend and i were in a room, watching the footage, and someone came into the house. the camera zoomed in on his face automatically. half of it looked like one of those phantom of the opera-esque white face masks, and the other half was totally black - no face at all. we were excited that the product worked and thought the study was over, so we went to bed. then, as we were lying in bed, i heard the door creak open. i turned over to see a faceless man coming at my throat as if to strangle me. i yelled out, but apparently also did so in real life and woke both myself and my boyfriend up. oops!
the second dream was so realistic, it freaked me out to the point of crying. the dream started with me leaving my boyfriend's house, saying goodbye to him. immeidately, i wake up in the living room of my old house, but things are a little different - there's different things in my house (like a flat screen t.v. and a new computer) but the house itself is just the same as it is now. the rest of my family is there, but everyone looks older. my mom has longer hair and is a lot thinner. i go out to our back patio and stand next to my mom, and she asks me how i am. i tell her that i'm confused and to be honest, i'm not sure how i got there or what day or year it is. her face drops and she takes me inside, where she tells me that it's halloween of 2012 and that four years previous, i was in a major car accident, where i suffered serious injuries to my brain and body. my brother then hands me a stack of papers as if he's done it a hundred times before. the stack contains a rehab clinic brochure, legal documents stating how much my parents owe, a newspaper article about the crash, etc. i can't bring myself to read the article, and my family members aren't paying attention to me - kinda like this whole scenario has occured before. meanwhile, my back starts tingling and i can feel that the skin on my back and legs is messed up from the accident. i'm siting on the floor, trying to take everything in and crying at the same time. i'm thinking to myself, "this can't be real, this has to be a dream...why am i not waking up?" then i start panicking about my boyfriend and where he is. i feel in my pockets for a phone and find one, which is a really advanced version of my current phone. on the home screen, there are a bunch of icons representing applications (like on facebook), but they're really stupid, so i get disappointed in myself for having such terrible applications. i can't figure out my phone to call my boyfriend, and my mom and sister say not to because it costs 70 cents a minute to call out. my sister tells me that my boyfriend and friends come up to visit me all the time. then, he call me, but i can't figure out my phone and end up hanging up the call. i go into a panic, and he calls my sister. i lunge for the phone saying that it's him and i need to talk to him, and she puts her arm out to block me and says, "nope." then she tells my boyfriend to call my phone again and she's gonna answer it for me. i'm still panicking and freaked out, and i wake up with a giant lump in my throat. the dream was so real, i was confused for a minute. but i looked over and saw my boyfriend sleeping and started crying. it was kind of a mixture of relief and being worked up...even now i'm getting a little choked up! it's weird for me to be this affected by a dream, but it really messed me up for a while.
blegh. i hope that got the bad dreams out of the way for a while...i don't need any extra stress right now :)
the last few days have been a little off - my sister and i went home to see cousins but then never actually got to see them. it was nice to see mom and dad again, though! they might be getting sick of me because i've seen them so much lately. last night was rough - i had two bad dreams, one of which made me scream and wake myself up, and the other of which made me cry when i woke up.
in the first dream took place in my old house. my boyfriend and i were participating in a new product study that involved the use of cameras that detect faces in the dark without the use of night vision. the study involved someone coming into your house at night, and the camera secretly catching their faces. so my boyfriend and i were in a room, watching the footage, and someone came into the house. the camera zoomed in on his face automatically. half of it looked like one of those phantom of the opera-esque white face masks, and the other half was totally black - no face at all. we were excited that the product worked and thought the study was over, so we went to bed. then, as we were lying in bed, i heard the door creak open. i turned over to see a faceless man coming at my throat as if to strangle me. i yelled out, but apparently also did so in real life and woke both myself and my boyfriend up. oops!
the second dream was so realistic, it freaked me out to the point of crying. the dream started with me leaving my boyfriend's house, saying goodbye to him. immeidately, i wake up in the living room of my old house, but things are a little different - there's different things in my house (like a flat screen t.v. and a new computer) but the house itself is just the same as it is now. the rest of my family is there, but everyone looks older. my mom has longer hair and is a lot thinner. i go out to our back patio and stand next to my mom, and she asks me how i am. i tell her that i'm confused and to be honest, i'm not sure how i got there or what day or year it is. her face drops and she takes me inside, where she tells me that it's halloween of 2012 and that four years previous, i was in a major car accident, where i suffered serious injuries to my brain and body. my brother then hands me a stack of papers as if he's done it a hundred times before. the stack contains a rehab clinic brochure, legal documents stating how much my parents owe, a newspaper article about the crash, etc. i can't bring myself to read the article, and my family members aren't paying attention to me - kinda like this whole scenario has occured before. meanwhile, my back starts tingling and i can feel that the skin on my back and legs is messed up from the accident. i'm siting on the floor, trying to take everything in and crying at the same time. i'm thinking to myself, "this can't be real, this has to be a dream...why am i not waking up?" then i start panicking about my boyfriend and where he is. i feel in my pockets for a phone and find one, which is a really advanced version of my current phone. on the home screen, there are a bunch of icons representing applications (like on facebook), but they're really stupid, so i get disappointed in myself for having such terrible applications. i can't figure out my phone to call my boyfriend, and my mom and sister say not to because it costs 70 cents a minute to call out. my sister tells me that my boyfriend and friends come up to visit me all the time. then, he call me, but i can't figure out my phone and end up hanging up the call. i go into a panic, and he calls my sister. i lunge for the phone saying that it's him and i need to talk to him, and she puts her arm out to block me and says, "nope." then she tells my boyfriend to call my phone again and she's gonna answer it for me. i'm still panicking and freaked out, and i wake up with a giant lump in my throat. the dream was so real, i was confused for a minute. but i looked over and saw my boyfriend sleeping and started crying. it was kind of a mixture of relief and being worked up...even now i'm getting a little choked up! it's weird for me to be this affected by a dream, but it really messed me up for a while.
blegh. i hope that got the bad dreams out of the way for a while...i don't need any extra stress right now :)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
back to the future
so after not having my computer for a week, i now have it back (albeit sans most of my programs, documents, pictures, and settings.) now i can get back to my fruitless job search! yay!
i went home for a few days this weekend to celebrate my little brother's birthday and to decorate the guest room, which is my room whenever i go home. my mom and i went shopping for about 5 hours and we're still not done - all we got was paint and the bedding. awesome, right? it's gonna look really great when it's all put together. the theme is a bit moroccan (my favorite) and it's going to feature a great wall behind the bed, with painted anaglyptic wallpaper. the wallpaper is raised into a pattern so that you can paint over it and have a great focal wall of texture and style. i'm excited to see how it's going to come out.
i also found out this weekend that i'm going to be in my godfather's wedding, which i am uber excited about. i didn't get to go to his first wedding (it was a destination) so i'm very happy to be a part of this one. the girl he's marrying is a wonderful person and she makes him so content, and i'm really happy for him that he's found his true love :) my sister and brother are also going to be involved, so it's a family affair.
speaking of my sister, i got a little peeved at her yesterday when i came to our house. it snowed a ton overnight, and she shoveled all the snow that was on her side of the driveway onto my side. i spent an hour and a half digging it all onto the grass so ci could pull in and not have to park out in the street. the shoveling helped me burn off my rage, and whatever i had left over was placated by my boyfriend.
i am thinking about applying for a job as a freelance blogger - it could be fun to do as i love to write (and you get to pick your topic), but the pay system is a bit worrying. you get paid based on page views, unique visitors, etc. so i think i would have to do some self-promotion. also, it's part-time, so i'd have something to do while looking for a full-time gig. i think i could probably do well in the areas of style and fashion or relationships. i'll sleep on it tonight and make a final decision tomorrow.
sleep sounds good right now. i have a raging headache. excedrin migraine to the rescue!!!!
i went home for a few days this weekend to celebrate my little brother's birthday and to decorate the guest room, which is my room whenever i go home. my mom and i went shopping for about 5 hours and we're still not done - all we got was paint and the bedding. awesome, right? it's gonna look really great when it's all put together. the theme is a bit moroccan (my favorite) and it's going to feature a great wall behind the bed, with painted anaglyptic wallpaper. the wallpaper is raised into a pattern so that you can paint over it and have a great focal wall of texture and style. i'm excited to see how it's going to come out.
i also found out this weekend that i'm going to be in my godfather's wedding, which i am uber excited about. i didn't get to go to his first wedding (it was a destination) so i'm very happy to be a part of this one. the girl he's marrying is a wonderful person and she makes him so content, and i'm really happy for him that he's found his true love :) my sister and brother are also going to be involved, so it's a family affair.
speaking of my sister, i got a little peeved at her yesterday when i came to our house. it snowed a ton overnight, and she shoveled all the snow that was on her side of the driveway onto my side. i spent an hour and a half digging it all onto the grass so ci could pull in and not have to park out in the street. the shoveling helped me burn off my rage, and whatever i had left over was placated by my boyfriend.
i am thinking about applying for a job as a freelance blogger - it could be fun to do as i love to write (and you get to pick your topic), but the pay system is a bit worrying. you get paid based on page views, unique visitors, etc. so i think i would have to do some self-promotion. also, it's part-time, so i'd have something to do while looking for a full-time gig. i think i could probably do well in the areas of style and fashion or relationships. i'll sleep on it tonight and make a final decision tomorrow.
sleep sounds good right now. i have a raging headache. excedrin migraine to the rescue!!!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
pros and cons of selling out
as the title may suggest, i am currently contemplating the good and bad of working in the finance industry. i applied for a job as a financial services rep (basically, a financial adviser) on sunday and received an interview request today. the company seems pretty reputable and they offer an extensive training program, plus they teach you how to get clients and don't just throw you in the water without floaties. it makes me nervous to think about handling other people's money, though - what if i screw it up? what if i advise them to invest in something that turns out to be a total bust? i'm pretty confident in my instincts and i know that if i follow those, i'll be alright...but to be honest, i am really hoping that i get an opportunity to interview at an advertising firm downtown, where i've applied for two jobs that i think i could be great at. both are in marketing (what i got my degree in) but i think that the company only hires candidates with more experience than i have. it's the classic college grad catch-22. you say you want experience, but how am i going to get experience if you don't give it to me? and let's be real...most entry-level jobs suck, especially in marketing. they say that they're "marketing" but they really mean telemarketing, cold-calling, door-to-door sales, and the like. and i hate sales with a passion, so it's a little frustrating.
i'm also having issues with deciding if i even want to do marketing at all. i think that i like it, but how do i really know for sure? i need to do more work in the field before i can really decide. but i think that finance and investing are interesting as well, so it wouldn't be too bad to get a job in that field, at least for a little while. another pro would be in learning how to invest...i could potentially make a lot of money and retire early, which would be ideal. then i could get to my other joys in life, like music and art.
it's a lot to mull over. we'll see how the interview goes and take it from there. i don't want to count on or discount anything just yet :)
i'm also having issues with deciding if i even want to do marketing at all. i think that i like it, but how do i really know for sure? i need to do more work in the field before i can really decide. but i think that finance and investing are interesting as well, so it wouldn't be too bad to get a job in that field, at least for a little while. another pro would be in learning how to invest...i could potentially make a lot of money and retire early, which would be ideal. then i could get to my other joys in life, like music and art.
it's a lot to mull over. we'll see how the interview goes and take it from there. i don't want to count on or discount anything just yet :)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
off the deep end
i'm taking a little break from my usual daily routine of job searching to update.
i still don't have a job, or any potential ones even lined up. i'm pretty sure that i'll be looking into retail/restaurant jobs soon if i can't get one in marketing or advertising. i'm getting frustrated at not hearing anything back from anyone - if i took the time to apply, shouldn't you at least take the time to tell me if i didn't make it? i'm going to be applying for unemployment soon to tide me over. i've even looked into working at the fbi, which i might be applying for after finishing this update. it's disheartening to think that i'm not good enough for any position that i think is right for me. it's like having a crush on a boy who finds out and laughs in your face. hopefully i can land something soon, and in the meantime i'm just going to keep trying.
christmas was great - i got everything i could have asked for and more. the trip out west to go snowmobiling was also pretty awesome, save for the first day we traveled. i got really sick and thought i was going to throw up on our descent...and on my way to the bathroom in the midst of the WORST turbulence i've ever experienced, i got chewed out OVER THE INTERCOM by the flight attendant. it was so embarassing and added to my frustration about being ill in the first place, i ended up crying in the airport. things got better, though, and the rest of the trip went quite well. i love snowmobiling and i can't wait to go again.
a funny thing happened yesterday while grocery shopping. i was in line waiting to check out, and this old man came up behind me and said, "it's too bad we like to eat, huh? it's my mother's fault, actually. when i was about two days old, i started wailing, and the only thing that could make me quit was to eat! i've never been able to break the habit." it made me laugh :)
now i'm off to work on finding a job...hopefully obama helps turn the economy around soon, because we're all hurting for it.
- so as i finish writing this, i just got a call from a company asking me to come in and interview tomorrow. i'm not sure about this place yet, but i figure it's worth a shot. i'll update on how it goes soon.
i still don't have a job, or any potential ones even lined up. i'm pretty sure that i'll be looking into retail/restaurant jobs soon if i can't get one in marketing or advertising. i'm getting frustrated at not hearing anything back from anyone - if i took the time to apply, shouldn't you at least take the time to tell me if i didn't make it? i'm going to be applying for unemployment soon to tide me over. i've even looked into working at the fbi, which i might be applying for after finishing this update. it's disheartening to think that i'm not good enough for any position that i think is right for me. it's like having a crush on a boy who finds out and laughs in your face. hopefully i can land something soon, and in the meantime i'm just going to keep trying.
christmas was great - i got everything i could have asked for and more. the trip out west to go snowmobiling was also pretty awesome, save for the first day we traveled. i got really sick and thought i was going to throw up on our descent...and on my way to the bathroom in the midst of the WORST turbulence i've ever experienced, i got chewed out OVER THE INTERCOM by the flight attendant. it was so embarassing and added to my frustration about being ill in the first place, i ended up crying in the airport. things got better, though, and the rest of the trip went quite well. i love snowmobiling and i can't wait to go again.
a funny thing happened yesterday while grocery shopping. i was in line waiting to check out, and this old man came up behind me and said, "it's too bad we like to eat, huh? it's my mother's fault, actually. when i was about two days old, i started wailing, and the only thing that could make me quit was to eat! i've never been able to break the habit." it made me laugh :)
now i'm off to work on finding a job...hopefully obama helps turn the economy around soon, because we're all hurting for it.
- so as i finish writing this, i just got a call from a company asking me to come in and interview tomorrow. i'm not sure about this place yet, but i figure it's worth a shot. i'll update on how it goes soon.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
conundrums and confusions
as i thought might happen eventually, i was laid off from my job on tuesday morning. the place where i worked isn't selling products like it used to be, so i became a victim of downsizing. i was upset at first, but i got over it a few hours later. yes, there were tears, but i came to the realization that now is the time to find a job that i really want! i went home and applied for four jobs, plus my awesome boyfriend found me another potential. also, next week i might meet with someone who's been in the business for a while that can possibly give me an inside way into an agency. the only problem with that is that it could be in a city that i'm not sure i want to move to. so there's a problem...move away from my boyfriend and friends and move to my family, or stay in the came city as my boyfriend? i really really don't want to move away from my boyfriend, but i wonder if we can make it through a one to two year long distance relationship? that way i could work in the big city for a little while, get some experience, and then get a job in my boyfriend's city at a good agency more easily. but i really don't want to mess up the really great thing we've got going on. i think it might depend on where i get an interview/where i am offered a job. i'm going to try not to worry too much about it right now and just focus on one thing at a time. step one: apply for jobs. (that's where i am) step two: get an interview and wow them. step three: get an offer. in the meantime, i've got severance and unemployment to tie me over. let the hunt begin!
i got a dental implant this morning and my mouth hurts, so i'm going to go eat some tapioca pudding now. yum!
i got a dental implant this morning and my mouth hurts, so i'm going to go eat some tapioca pudding now. yum!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
upsetting news, folks
i am upset. my absolute favorite show, pushing daisies, has been cancelled. wtf, abc? a show is original and wonderfully heartwarming, with witty lines and exciting, plot-thickening stories, and you go off and cancel it? there's still so much story to tell! will chuck ever get to see her aunts again? will emerson ever find his li'l gumshoe? will olive find the love she so desperately craves? will ned and chuck ever be able to touch again? sigh. the only good thing is that the creator, bryan fuller, has decided to work with dc comics to finish out the story in comic book form. so at least there's that...but still. i am saddened. it's like my wednesday night companion has died.
i have a rare slow moment at work right now (as evidenced by the fact that i haven't blogged in AGES). it seems that all i do nowadays is work...9 hours a day has become my minimum. sure, the pay is great, but with it being winter and all, i barely get to see the sun anymore. i think that this has jolted my senses and i am suffering a touch of seasonal affective disorder. i am considering outting a sunlamp over my desk to ease these early winter blues. or i may move to florida. the old folks seem to be pretty happy there, so maybe i should give it a try.
the holidays are nigh. i have lots of trouble around this time of year in trying o figure out what to get for my family. my sister and mom are the worst. it's always so difficult to tell what they'll like, so i end up getting something that i hope they like and keeping the receipt, just in case. and i like to get meaningful gifts. i'm thinking that i could get either a spa package or a plane ticket to somewhere warm for my sister, and possibly some new clothes (which she'll probably return) or a massage for my mom. my brother keeps saying that he wants a ticket to greece, which brings up another issue -
should i go to greece this summer? if i go, it will be for a while. i don't want to go for just two weeks and then head back to the states...where's the vacation in that? i'd love to go for at least a month. and lots of my extended family is going, so it would be fun. but there's no job that would let me take that much time off work, so i'd probably need to be unemployed if i were to go. my boyfriend is probably not going to poland and he says that he would love to come over for a few weeks, so that would be fun...plus this is probably my last opportunity to go for quite a few years. i really really want to go, but do i want to spend all of my money on one trip? i've got some tough choices here. (but not that tough because, let's be honest, it's greece. NOT going would be the stupid decision.)
i have a rare slow moment at work right now (as evidenced by the fact that i haven't blogged in AGES). it seems that all i do nowadays is work...9 hours a day has become my minimum. sure, the pay is great, but with it being winter and all, i barely get to see the sun anymore. i think that this has jolted my senses and i am suffering a touch of seasonal affective disorder. i am considering outting a sunlamp over my desk to ease these early winter blues. or i may move to florida. the old folks seem to be pretty happy there, so maybe i should give it a try.
the holidays are nigh. i have lots of trouble around this time of year in trying o figure out what to get for my family. my sister and mom are the worst. it's always so difficult to tell what they'll like, so i end up getting something that i hope they like and keeping the receipt, just in case. and i like to get meaningful gifts. i'm thinking that i could get either a spa package or a plane ticket to somewhere warm for my sister, and possibly some new clothes (which she'll probably return) or a massage for my mom. my brother keeps saying that he wants a ticket to greece, which brings up another issue -
should i go to greece this summer? if i go, it will be for a while. i don't want to go for just two weeks and then head back to the states...where's the vacation in that? i'd love to go for at least a month. and lots of my extended family is going, so it would be fun. but there's no job that would let me take that much time off work, so i'd probably need to be unemployed if i were to go. my boyfriend is probably not going to poland and he says that he would love to come over for a few weeks, so that would be fun...plus this is probably my last opportunity to go for quite a few years. i really really want to go, but do i want to spend all of my money on one trip? i've got some tough choices here. (but not that tough because, let's be honest, it's greece. NOT going would be the stupid decision.)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
oh baby you... you got what i need
super exciting update in the life of yours truly! i still do not have a real job! it's totally shocking, i know.
actually, i got a serious yelling-at last week for my consistent late arrivals. i had agreed to be in by nine and was definitely not sticking to it (actually arriving somewhere between 10 and 12). i guess my boss finally had enough of my shit and she set me straight but good. to be honest, if i was her, i would have done the same thing. i've been taking advamtage of a loose system. but i've been coming in by nine all week and i think i can keep it up - though self control is not exactly my middle name, i need a good reference.
i might not be leaving this job soon, though. someone is going on maternity leave soon, and there's been a rumor going around that they want me to stay and fill in for her until february when she returns. no confirmation or offer has been made yet. if they do ask me, though...i'm thinking that i'm gonna ask for more money. they pay me peanuts as is and hell if i'm gonna do more work for the same price.
i'm thinking right now about becoming a big sister...it sounds like a good idea to focus on improving someone else's life instead of just thinking abut myself all the time. plus, i think i could be a good influence on a young girl's life. at least, i hope i could be. i feel like doing something good for the world, and hanging out with kids seems like a good way to do it. i don't think an hour a week is enough, though. two to three would be much better and allow more of a bond to be formed between us. now i just need to find references who'll vouch for my totally awesome big sister skillz. with a z.
i'm also thinking that i'm going to grow out my hair again...i'm tired of fussing with my bangs everyday. but they do cover up my forehead quite nicely. right now i'm leaning toward having longish bangs and hair to the top of my boobs. i think that would look good, but i would definitely not go too long so as to keep it looking at least somewhat professional.
in further news, this post is quickly proving that i may need adderall.
actually, i got a serious yelling-at last week for my consistent late arrivals. i had agreed to be in by nine and was definitely not sticking to it (actually arriving somewhere between 10 and 12). i guess my boss finally had enough of my shit and she set me straight but good. to be honest, if i was her, i would have done the same thing. i've been taking advamtage of a loose system. but i've been coming in by nine all week and i think i can keep it up - though self control is not exactly my middle name, i need a good reference.
i might not be leaving this job soon, though. someone is going on maternity leave soon, and there's been a rumor going around that they want me to stay and fill in for her until february when she returns. no confirmation or offer has been made yet. if they do ask me, though...i'm thinking that i'm gonna ask for more money. they pay me peanuts as is and hell if i'm gonna do more work for the same price.
i'm thinking right now about becoming a big sister...it sounds like a good idea to focus on improving someone else's life instead of just thinking abut myself all the time. plus, i think i could be a good influence on a young girl's life. at least, i hope i could be. i feel like doing something good for the world, and hanging out with kids seems like a good way to do it. i don't think an hour a week is enough, though. two to three would be much better and allow more of a bond to be formed between us. now i just need to find references who'll vouch for my totally awesome big sister skillz. with a z.
i'm also thinking that i'm going to grow out my hair again...i'm tired of fussing with my bangs everyday. but they do cover up my forehead quite nicely. right now i'm leaning toward having longish bangs and hair to the top of my boobs. i think that would look good, but i would definitely not go too long so as to keep it looking at least somewhat professional.
in further news, this post is quickly proving that i may need adderall.
Friday, September 12, 2008
SHUT...UP
i was listening to "this american life" the other day (which, btw, is the greatest radio show/podcast ever created and if you don't listen to it, you should) and they had a segment about that voice inside your head. people described what the voice tells them, and how it justifies things so that people can do what they want to do. i realized that mine is totally the same way. for example, last night i went shopping and bought some new things. as shallow as it is, i like my things, and i like getting new things. the voice told me that it's ok to get some new things because i haven't in a while, and i was taking back a pair of shoes so it was ok to get stuff with the money i got back because it was already spent anyway. some days, it tells me that i don't have to go to the gym because i don't look that bad and my body is already appreciated by my boyfriend.
i talked with him (my boyfriend, not the voice) about this and he said that the more you become aware of the voice, the quieter it gets. to which the voice replied, "what the fuck does he know? and why does he think he's so smart? i'm smarter than him! the voice doesn't get quieter, it just gets easier to fight!"
honestly, i feel like i can't win.
anyway, this discussion about the voice then lead to a discussion about the existence of god, which is a frequent trouble topic in my mind. i revisit this same subject at least twice a week. i want to believe in something bigger, but the part of me that can't let go of the need for absolute truth has a hard time with the whole "faith" concept. also, i have lots and lots of issues with religion and the afterlife. if only one belief is the correct one, then billions of people are going to hell! and if only some beliefs are right, which ones are they? is the entire jewish population screwed because they don't believe in jesus? even though they're the "chosen people"? why can't i just follow my own religious path? can't i just do what i believe and hope for the best?
my boyfriend suggests that i go on a spiritual quest of sorts so that i can decide what feels right to me. i already feel as though i follow my own set of beliefs (mainly: do the right thing) but i have decided to take a different approach, as odd as it sounds...if god exists, god will prove itself to me. i may be screwing myself over when the apocalypse arrives, but this is the path i have chosen. (cue ominous music)
on a totally unrelated and tangental note, i really really like kanye west's new song.
i still don't have a real career-type job. but that's another post.
maybe i'll keep up with this more in the future.
i talked with him (my boyfriend, not the voice) about this and he said that the more you become aware of the voice, the quieter it gets. to which the voice replied, "what the fuck does he know? and why does he think he's so smart? i'm smarter than him! the voice doesn't get quieter, it just gets easier to fight!"
honestly, i feel like i can't win.
anyway, this discussion about the voice then lead to a discussion about the existence of god, which is a frequent trouble topic in my mind. i revisit this same subject at least twice a week. i want to believe in something bigger, but the part of me that can't let go of the need for absolute truth has a hard time with the whole "faith" concept. also, i have lots and lots of issues with religion and the afterlife. if only one belief is the correct one, then billions of people are going to hell! and if only some beliefs are right, which ones are they? is the entire jewish population screwed because they don't believe in jesus? even though they're the "chosen people"? why can't i just follow my own religious path? can't i just do what i believe and hope for the best?
my boyfriend suggests that i go on a spiritual quest of sorts so that i can decide what feels right to me. i already feel as though i follow my own set of beliefs (mainly: do the right thing) but i have decided to take a different approach, as odd as it sounds...if god exists, god will prove itself to me. i may be screwing myself over when the apocalypse arrives, but this is the path i have chosen. (cue ominous music)
on a totally unrelated and tangental note, i really really like kanye west's new song.
i still don't have a real career-type job. but that's another post.
maybe i'll keep up with this more in the future.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
so close i can taste it
on sunday, i celebrated my 22nd birthday. i went home for the weekend and spent some lovely quality time with my family. it was actually quite nice! lots of family came to see me and wish me a happy birthday, and i'm going to get a very practical gift from my parents of a fake tooth implant..weird, i know, but i've been wanting one for a while so i'm very very excited. the only problem with going home is that practically no homework gets done, so i'm taking off work early today to go home and finish my test for my last class. pretty amazing, i know. in addition to the test, i'm going to proof everyone else's papers (in my group) and put together our final report. i will most likely not be sleeping tonight. but that's ok, because it's all over on wednesday evening :)
this weekend, my friends and i are going to have a birthday dinner and bar hop downtown. that should be interesting. on my 21st birthday, i drank irresponsibly (not too much, just mixed) and was really sick the next day. on sunday, i have to work from 12 to 3, so i definitely can't be drinking like that. plus, i think that the medication i'm taking aggrivates the effects of drinking. this isn't necessarily bad news, since my body has a tough time handling alcohol anyways.
the boyfriend countdown has reached two weeks! i'm missing him terribly and i'm very excited for him to come home. it's going to be the best reunion ever :)
this weekend, my friends and i are going to have a birthday dinner and bar hop downtown. that should be interesting. on my 21st birthday, i drank irresponsibly (not too much, just mixed) and was really sick the next day. on sunday, i have to work from 12 to 3, so i definitely can't be drinking like that. plus, i think that the medication i'm taking aggrivates the effects of drinking. this isn't necessarily bad news, since my body has a tough time handling alcohol anyways.
the boyfriend countdown has reached two weeks! i'm missing him terribly and i'm very excited for him to come home. it's going to be the best reunion ever :)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
riddle me this
ok, kids. why is it that when i look for a flight for one person, the price is substantially lower than when i search for a flight for 5 people? haven't airlines ever heard of bulk discounting? it's insane...if 5 people are flying, that spreads out the fixed costs associated with running the plane more than one person flying does. those savings should be passed on to customers, but they're not. so what gives?
another conundrum that i have is with people who drive under the speed limit on the way to work. it puzzles me even more when the car that said slowpoke is driving is supposedly a "fast" car. whatthehellareyoudoing? do you not have somewhere to be right now? lucky you that you don't have to work and get to take lazy morning drives, but the rest of us are in a bit of a hurry! get the frick out of the left lane, mofo!
i am happy to report that i only have three class periods left until i am finito with my undergraduate degree! yessssss! i am so excited to not have class...plus, this will be the first time in summer that i don't have a course during the second half of summer. fawesome. i don't even know what wonderful things i am going to be doing with myself in all my free time! (joking, i don't actually have a ton of free time!)
my schedule will probably go something along these lines:
total hours in one week: 24*7= 168
eating: 1.5*7 = 10.5
weekdays: work 9-5+ (40 - 50 hours at most)
weekday nights:
hip hop dance on thursday nights: 2 hours
softball on friday nights: 4 hours
weekends:
yard/house work: avg 9 hours
sleeping: 8*7= 56 hours
left over: 37.5 hours!
that's 37.5 hours a week to spend on spending time with friends and family, looking for a job, reading, watching movies, shopping, playing music, creating art, working out, cooking, or whatever else i feel like! that is so dope. i will be doing my best to squeeze the most that i can out of those hours. maybe i'll take another dance class...or perhaps a spinning class! oh, that would be sweet for my buns of steel :)
also, i have about 20 days to go until my boyfriend gets home, meaning i'm halfway there! ahhh! i'm so excited to see him. i will most likely be tackling him in the airport...and i don't care what anyone thinks.
another conundrum that i have is with people who drive under the speed limit on the way to work. it puzzles me even more when the car that said slowpoke is driving is supposedly a "fast" car. whatthehellareyoudoing? do you not have somewhere to be right now? lucky you that you don't have to work and get to take lazy morning drives, but the rest of us are in a bit of a hurry! get the frick out of the left lane, mofo!
i am happy to report that i only have three class periods left until i am finito with my undergraduate degree! yessssss! i am so excited to not have class...plus, this will be the first time in summer that i don't have a course during the second half of summer. fawesome. i don't even know what wonderful things i am going to be doing with myself in all my free time! (joking, i don't actually have a ton of free time!)
my schedule will probably go something along these lines:
total hours in one week: 24*7= 168
eating: 1.5*7 = 10.5
weekdays: work 9-5+ (40 - 50 hours at most)
weekday nights:
hip hop dance on thursday nights: 2 hours
softball on friday nights: 4 hours
weekends:
yard/house work: avg 9 hours
sleeping: 8*7= 56 hours
left over: 37.5 hours!
that's 37.5 hours a week to spend on spending time with friends and family, looking for a job, reading, watching movies, shopping, playing music, creating art, working out, cooking, or whatever else i feel like! that is so dope. i will be doing my best to squeeze the most that i can out of those hours. maybe i'll take another dance class...or perhaps a spinning class! oh, that would be sweet for my buns of steel :)
also, i have about 20 days to go until my boyfriend gets home, meaning i'm halfway there! ahhh! i'm so excited to see him. i will most likely be tackling him in the airport...and i don't care what anyone thinks.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
the usual bitchfest
good news, everyone! my boyfriend's mouth is now whole again, as he is sporting a lovely set of new front teeth. and at a third of the normal price. spectacular!
school will be over shortly enough - 12 days from tomorrow. i am sorta kinda counting down the seconds. however, these next two weeks will be work-filled and stress-ridden. wish me luck.
right now i am, as almost always, at work. i loathe the idea that i spend more time working than i do in the outside world. maybe i can get a job that affords me more time out of the office than in it. because it's not the "working" part that bothers me, it's the part about sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. i recently saw a surveillance video of this dude freaking out at work and destroying the office, and i can sort of understand his pain. when i think about the fact that i've got YEARS of this crap to look forward to, it make me really sad inside. thank goodness i'm getting paid, or else none of this shite would be worth it. i'm also looking for more "career-like" jobs right now. my preference is toward something in the area that doesn't sound like a scam (which happens a lot when you're looking for a marketing job) and doesn't include the word "intern" in the title. i'm getting a little frustrated by the lack of real jobs available though, as a vast majority are either telemarketing or sales, both of which i hate. i can't stand being sold to, therefore i refuse to do a sales job.
"Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train." - Jim Halpert
in other news, i have the house to myself for the next two weeks, save for the next two weekends, in which i will be traveling to my hometown for various reasons, including attending church and going to an eye doctor's appointment. i will also be celebrating my birthday and father's day. my mom asked me a month and a half ago if i was coming up for father's day, to which i replied, "but that's my birthday." she replied, "uuuhh, yeah" which basically meant that she didn't care whether o not it was my birthday, it was father's day that day so i needed to come up to them (instead of them coming down to see me.)
i know that i'm getting a little too old to make a big deal about my birthday. a good general rule is that when no one else cares about your birthday, you no longer have any right to make a fuss about it. however, i was planning on celebrating with friends that weekend, but i can't, as i will be two hours away from them. it's just annoying to have plans but them have them broken by your mom, who doesn't give a shit what you want to do, just what she wants you to do. i also understand that you can't have things both ways...my parents still fund my existence, so i can't NOT do what they want me to do. i'm ready to be financially independent so that i'm no longer leashed. i know that sounds terrible and i'll probably hate myself in the future for being such a selfish bitch, but i am frustrated right now.
i used to have a friend who tried all sorts of things to cut me off from my parents he didn't understand how you could live away from home but still be under the control of your parents. he didn't do what his parents said, even when he was still living at home. he felt that he was old enough to do what he wanted. but he didn't understand that it's not about age. it's about money. and as long as my parents financially support me, i am under their control. that's just how it is. and there's nothing that i can do about it, other than to get a job, make money, and move out or start taking over mortgage payments. all that, and stop complaining about it.
which is difficult, as i complain a lot.
yet another aspect of my personality that i have to either own up to, or change. sometimes, i discover something about myself that i really don't like. this complaining thing is one of them. but that's why i have a blog...so i can infest the internet with my stupidity, while (trying to) keeping other people free of it. what i really need to do is get my head out of my butt, fix the things i don't like about myself, and get over the things that i can't. i am sure the world would be a better place for it. actually, in all likelihood, the world wouldn't give a shit, because it never did in the first place.
revelation for the day over. i'm out.
school will be over shortly enough - 12 days from tomorrow. i am sorta kinda counting down the seconds. however, these next two weeks will be work-filled and stress-ridden. wish me luck.
right now i am, as almost always, at work. i loathe the idea that i spend more time working than i do in the outside world. maybe i can get a job that affords me more time out of the office than in it. because it's not the "working" part that bothers me, it's the part about sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. i recently saw a surveillance video of this dude freaking out at work and destroying the office, and i can sort of understand his pain. when i think about the fact that i've got YEARS of this crap to look forward to, it make me really sad inside. thank goodness i'm getting paid, or else none of this shite would be worth it. i'm also looking for more "career-like" jobs right now. my preference is toward something in the area that doesn't sound like a scam (which happens a lot when you're looking for a marketing job) and doesn't include the word "intern" in the title. i'm getting a little frustrated by the lack of real jobs available though, as a vast majority are either telemarketing or sales, both of which i hate. i can't stand being sold to, therefore i refuse to do a sales job.
"Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train." - Jim Halpert
in other news, i have the house to myself for the next two weeks, save for the next two weekends, in which i will be traveling to my hometown for various reasons, including attending church and going to an eye doctor's appointment. i will also be celebrating my birthday and father's day. my mom asked me a month and a half ago if i was coming up for father's day, to which i replied, "but that's my birthday." she replied, "uuuhh, yeah" which basically meant that she didn't care whether o not it was my birthday, it was father's day that day so i needed to come up to them (instead of them coming down to see me.)
i know that i'm getting a little too old to make a big deal about my birthday. a good general rule is that when no one else cares about your birthday, you no longer have any right to make a fuss about it. however, i was planning on celebrating with friends that weekend, but i can't, as i will be two hours away from them. it's just annoying to have plans but them have them broken by your mom, who doesn't give a shit what you want to do, just what she wants you to do. i also understand that you can't have things both ways...my parents still fund my existence, so i can't NOT do what they want me to do. i'm ready to be financially independent so that i'm no longer leashed. i know that sounds terrible and i'll probably hate myself in the future for being such a selfish bitch, but i am frustrated right now.
i used to have a friend who tried all sorts of things to cut me off from my parents he didn't understand how you could live away from home but still be under the control of your parents. he didn't do what his parents said, even when he was still living at home. he felt that he was old enough to do what he wanted. but he didn't understand that it's not about age. it's about money. and as long as my parents financially support me, i am under their control. that's just how it is. and there's nothing that i can do about it, other than to get a job, make money, and move out or start taking over mortgage payments. all that, and stop complaining about it.
which is difficult, as i complain a lot.
yet another aspect of my personality that i have to either own up to, or change. sometimes, i discover something about myself that i really don't like. this complaining thing is one of them. but that's why i have a blog...so i can infest the internet with my stupidity, while (trying to) keeping other people free of it. what i really need to do is get my head out of my butt, fix the things i don't like about myself, and get over the things that i can't. i am sure the world would be a better place for it. actually, in all likelihood, the world wouldn't give a shit, because it never did in the first place.
revelation for the day over. i'm out.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
substantial evidence
i have come to the conclusion that my boyfriend and i suck at life without each other :)
maybe not really, but since we've been apart, he's broken his front tooth and i've gotten sick enough to (probably) go to the hospital today.
so this is awesome.
maybe not really, but since we've been apart, he's broken his front tooth and i've gotten sick enough to (probably) go to the hospital today.
so this is awesome.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
fyi: coke zero + brownies = awesome
ahhh, work. that delightful daily chunk of life that is sucked away from me. how i love you so.
actually, work isn't all bad. it's a time for me to catch up on homework, blog (occasionally), and read articles on cnn and nymag.com. and work. sometimes. just kidding.
anyways. my wonderful boyfriend is about to leave me for five-ish weeks while he goes to poland and russia. FUCK. there goes half of my heart... i will most likely be sloppily blogging about the extent to which i am missing him over that period of time. be prepared for some extreme sappiness. and occasional crying.
speaking of crying, i have been kind of an emotional mess lately. i don't know what it is, but my usual brand of light stoicism has given way to full-blown teenage girl emotional wreck city. not cool. it probably has a lot to do with the aforementioned departure of my favorite person. i am not preggers, i assure you. however, it seems like the littlest things can set me off. like a cancer commercial... that was embarrassing. but i'm feeling kinda moody, and with no real reason as to why. i think i need to start working out again. then i'll be able to blow off some steam while getting a hotter bod, and i'll be too tired to pay attention to whatever little thing i would normally decide to let bother me. plus, there's a lot more shit that's happening in the world right now to worry about my so called "feelings"...hormones are way less important than cyclones and earthquakes in third world countries.
and speaking of things being crappy, i am sort of hating my last undergraduate class. i am praying that june 18th gets here quickly. my spring semester went well though - 3 a's and one a minus. not too shabbayyyy.
i will be taking a trip out to pittsburgh to visit some family this weekend. it should be an enjoyable experience, though i have a feeling that my cousin will try to get me outrageously drunk, which my body absolutely cannot handle. boo :( oh well! i'm planning on having fun anyway, regardless of whether or not i throw up until i pop a blood vessel in my eye.
one thing i do have to look forward to over the coming weeks is the return of summer! mmmm, my favorite time of year. i'm going to probably go out a ton with firends and just generally try to have the best summer that i can. i'm also going to take a hip hop dance class, join a softball league, and since i'm 21, go to as many shows as possible. i also have some wonderful friends, and i know that they'll keep me occupied with things to do in my temporarily single state. thank goodness for them :)
aaaand i'm spent.
actually, work isn't all bad. it's a time for me to catch up on homework, blog (occasionally), and read articles on cnn and nymag.com. and work. sometimes. just kidding.
anyways. my wonderful boyfriend is about to leave me for five-ish weeks while he goes to poland and russia. FUCK. there goes half of my heart... i will most likely be sloppily blogging about the extent to which i am missing him over that period of time. be prepared for some extreme sappiness. and occasional crying.
speaking of crying, i have been kind of an emotional mess lately. i don't know what it is, but my usual brand of light stoicism has given way to full-blown teenage girl emotional wreck city. not cool. it probably has a lot to do with the aforementioned departure of my favorite person. i am not preggers, i assure you. however, it seems like the littlest things can set me off. like a cancer commercial... that was embarrassing. but i'm feeling kinda moody, and with no real reason as to why. i think i need to start working out again. then i'll be able to blow off some steam while getting a hotter bod, and i'll be too tired to pay attention to whatever little thing i would normally decide to let bother me. plus, there's a lot more shit that's happening in the world right now to worry about my so called "feelings"...hormones are way less important than cyclones and earthquakes in third world countries.
and speaking of things being crappy, i am sort of hating my last undergraduate class. i am praying that june 18th gets here quickly. my spring semester went well though - 3 a's and one a minus. not too shabbayyyy.
i will be taking a trip out to pittsburgh to visit some family this weekend. it should be an enjoyable experience, though i have a feeling that my cousin will try to get me outrageously drunk, which my body absolutely cannot handle. boo :( oh well! i'm planning on having fun anyway, regardless of whether or not i throw up until i pop a blood vessel in my eye.
one thing i do have to look forward to over the coming weeks is the return of summer! mmmm, my favorite time of year. i'm going to probably go out a ton with firends and just generally try to have the best summer that i can. i'm also going to take a hip hop dance class, join a softball league, and since i'm 21, go to as many shows as possible. i also have some wonderful friends, and i know that they'll keep me occupied with things to do in my temporarily single state. thank goodness for them :)
aaaand i'm spent.
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