coupla things

this post skips around a lot. prepare yourself for the random adhd-athon.

1. i am currently holed up with a totally sa-weet sore throat. it's pretty awesome. i sound like godzilla from those old japanese movies. you know the ones where they build a replica of tokyo and then take a toy dinosaur and tear it all down? yeah. that godzilla. i went to an orientation session to be a big sister today, and i revealed in the icebreaker that i play ukulele. the orientation leader asked if i sing as well. i didn't know if she was kidding or not (because i seriously sounded like i had just drug my vocal chords through a limestone quarry) so i simply replied, "not today." i'm also having a lot of trouble sleeping. hence the blogging at 1 am. hopefully this thing clears up soon. it's a good excuse to drink delicious earl grey black tea, though. i try to take my illnesses sunny side up.

2. i'm going to a ben folds concert soon. it'll be my second. the first was so much fun. ben has a tremendous stage presence and makes everyone feel like he's singing just for them (this could be why he's almost constantly on tour). so i'm pretty excited. i just got his latest album and i'm pleasantly surprised by how much i like it. my favorite tracks are "dr yang", "bitch went nuts" and "effington"... "are they effing in their yards, effing in their cars?" hilarious. ben has some stellar lyrics.

3. my housemate is currently in one of her moods where she pretty much ignores me. it's fun...i feel like i live with a ghost. half the time i'm wondering where she is, and the other half of the time she's treating me like i'm an intruder in her house. i hear her voice and laughter wafting from her bedroom as she talks on the phone every night. if i do see her, it's barely a glimpse before she's gone, locked in her room again or leaving the house to go who knows where.

i wish she would tell me if something is wrong or if she's upset with me. i don't expect her to be all happy and sparkly - that's definitely not who she is. all i would like is a normal relationship....one where she doesn't shut me out and tells me how her day was, or wants to know how i'm doing. i always feel like i'm on eggshells and my toes are getting tired. but i don't know if i should confront her or leave her to decide when she wants to talk to me. i feel like i'd be making a mistake either way i go about it.


4. this is something i came across while browsing victoria's secret's latest catalog. w...t...f.
there is nothing sexy or alluring about these pants. nothing whatsoever, unless you went back in time to the 1890's, when it was considered scandalous to show your ankles. oh you bad kitten! seriously, victoria's secret? did you actually expect to sell these? i have noticed that the 80's are making a comeback, but that was honestly one of the worst decades in fashion. acid wash jeans, shoulder pads, and these pantaloons must be left in the past. dredging up old mistakes is not fashionable, people! revolt against the so-called powers that be! don't wear these because someone tells you that they're in style! only buy these if you can't live without them! and even then may the style gods be merciful as these pants don't even look flattering on a professional, stick thin, gorgeous model! listen to edna mode. "i never look back, darling, it detracts from the NOW." that is all i have to say about that.

so anyway

i'm going to be away for a few days, so i figured i would throw in a new post while i could. not too terribly much has been happening lately. still no job or prospects. still applying and searching daily. still just a teeny bit depressed. in good news, i get my beautiful permanent tooth on friday, so yay on that!

i was watching a show today about emotional infidelity. to sum it up, this entails having affairs and cheating on your spouse without actually having sex. so this can cover lots of things from flirting, to exchanging explicit messages, to emotionally involving yourself with someone to a degree that pushes past friendships. i discussed this with my brother and his reply was, "it's always about the sex!" unfortunately, he's correct. i have friends of the opposite sex (as well as those of the same sex) but my boyfriend is always a little worried/suspicious when i hang out with them. i would never ever cheat on my boyfriend or intentionally do anything to upset him/hurt his feelings, but i would like to maintain friendships with people outside our group, regardless of whether or not they're the same sex as i am.

but this show hit really hard. i started wondering - was my hang outs with my friends of the opposite sex causing undue strain on my relationship with my boyfriend? i do not flirt with my guy friends at all and my relationship with them is much like the one that two guys would have. i also make it very clear that i am not interested in anything other than friendship, and i do my best not to be alone for an extended period of time with any guy that isn't my boyfriend. i had a discussion with my boyfriend on this subject and he assured me of his trust in me. and to be honest, if my boyfriend had close friends that were girls that he hung out with, without me around, i'd be wary too.

i guess what i'm getting at is that i think the whole situation sucks. if everyone was faithful to their partners, this would never ever be a problem. guys could be friends with girls with no negative reprocussions. and it really sucks for girls like me, who are more comfortable around guys and find it easier to be friends with them. i've had girls burn me big time in the past, so i prefer not to have a big group of them as friends. one on one is best with girls...too many and things start getting catty. big girl groups always have some serious issues, with things usually dissolving into infighting and backstabbery. i wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

i think that there's a couple of really big things that could help with the subject of emotional infidelity.

1. maturity. when you get into a relationship, you have to recognize that you are no longer allowed to act the way you once did. no more kissing strange men in bars or dancing on tables. you've got to be mature and behave like an adult. you are no longer acting and thinking just for yourself anymore. now you're dealing with another person's opinions, feelings, and emotions. if you're not ready to give up strange dick, don't get into a relationship. and don't use the relationship as a crutch. you absolutely must learn how to stand on your own and guide your own life before intertwining it with another's.

2. communication. lots of relationships go down the tubes because people refuse to be open and honest about their actions, feelings, opinions, and emotions. you cannot expect your relationship to last if you don't understand how the other person feels and vice versa. i personally still have issues with this topic in the relationship with my sister. i know that it's hard to overcome the stubbornness, the confusion, and the unwillingness to back down , or at the opposite, the trepidation to hurt the other person's feelings. but it will actually strengthen your relationship in the long run (and at worst, end it before it becomes toxic). i know i should really be taking my own advice right now, but it's something that i struggle with almost every day... as i keep working on it, things will get better. time and hard work is the formula for success.

enough soapboxing for today. i watch dr. phil ONE TIME and he's got me ranting....definitely not letting that happen again. i'll stick with ellen from now on. more dancing and less counseling is the way to go. fo sho. yo.